listening with my eyes

lately i've found myself stopping just to watch my kids! yeah, i do that all day long..or at least that's what this whole stay at home mom thing is suppossed to be about! but i mean that i've found myself watching them intently seeing how fast they're growing up. it just doesn't seem possible that almost 3 years ago i was holding a teeny tiny little guy, brand new, amazing over the fact that after infertility God brought us such a gift! and then just a little over a year after landon, i was pregnant with bree. sometimes it's soo cool just to reminisce over the treasures God gives. i have so many friends who are in the position right now of trying to get pregnant, or wanting to have kids and my heart goes right out to them because i have walked in their shoes. the agony of infertility is hard to understand unless you have been there yourself. that is not to say that those who haven't experienced infertility don't care or sympathize or pray for, hope for and encourage those in the midst of it- not at all, because some of my very closest friends who were able to conceive fairly easily experienced their own losses through miscarriage or difficulty in their pregnancies- ad walked such a dark path, and truth be told were some of the very ones who were my rocks of encouragement and truest friends through the hardest times! well, back to my point- i just feel like so often i need to stop and listen face to face to what my kids are saying...what their expressions are on their little faces- what brings them joy, what causes them hurt and things they don't understand. i was reminded of that even more today when i saw a mom literally screaming at her two SMALL children as they were leaving the zoo because they wanted to stay and see the animals. it impacted me so deeply because the thought occurred to me how many times do i not really listen to my kids even if they're having a bad day or a temper tantrum or even just hyper and goofing off? do i take part in their joy genuinely or do i just let it slip away without a thought of finding out what is touching their little hearts. when they're sad or mad or angry, do i use it as a time to reach out to them to listen- in my discipline do i look for the opportunities to show Jesus to them all the time? aggh, i wish i could say that i do, but truth is i don't always do that. more and more i am learning that my kids ARE my ministry- it was a thought always in the back of my mind, but now is the reality. each time i see landon reach out to help his sissy belle up, or give her part of his snack, or belle chasing after landon trying to keep up, or hear my two kiddos upstairs as quiet as can be and knowing that they're probably up to no good, but having a blast doing it- THESE are the times i'm learning to stop and watch them and talk to God about how thankful I am for these opportunities and ask for wisdom to be the kind of mommy these kids need each and every moment of every day! and on those days that i seem to only be able to scold landon for pushing belle down and belle taking landon's toy or drink...i need to listen even more attentively to my kids and give to them in a way that is tender, teaching them- whether through discipline or taking time to talk to them one on one about how to behave or treat each other, and doing it in a way that gives me glimpses into them as little people that they are right now! do you know that one of the fastest ways to find joy in your day is to watch a little person? they find the silliest things the most chuckle-iest, the most simple things to us as an adult, the hardest to grasp, etc. I'm going now because I've got a lot of little Landon and Bree watching to do and i'm gonna enjoy every moment of it!